i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
