My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize