You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
