My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
