I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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