I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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