i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
