You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
