I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
