Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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