So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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