why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
