Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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