A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
