she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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