bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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