How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
