I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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