i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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