He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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