My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
