a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
