I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
