Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
