I didn't shave. On purpose
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
