There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Randomize
