is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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