i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just high enough for therapy.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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