The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
