I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
