I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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