In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
