If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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