Buhtt sex?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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