Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
