I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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