They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
