the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
