I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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