even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
