Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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