So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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