i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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