make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
