Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
