he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
