I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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