girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
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They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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