FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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