how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
