So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
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part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
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Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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