Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
