I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
