the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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