I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
