Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
