i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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