I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
