why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
