yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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