I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
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I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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