Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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