heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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