is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
