You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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