Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You're like the curious george of whores
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
