i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
