I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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